The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
