I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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