i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
