He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the day after is always just damage control
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
