Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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