drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
