i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
