the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
