it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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