My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
