she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
