I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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