Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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