I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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