You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize