What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
