Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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