She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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