I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
