No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
