I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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