There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
