oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
