after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
