U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't put those talents on a resume
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
