I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
