FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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