He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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