when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
