I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
