he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want her autograph on my taint
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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