I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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