ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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