i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
