So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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