So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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