you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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