It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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