Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
