whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
As shirtless as possible
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
