Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
