tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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