This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
