Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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