I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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