I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
