I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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