dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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