Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
