Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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