So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
