ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
