just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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