my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
