I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
