it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
