dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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