I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
