Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
