There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
