but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
