I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
