Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she peed on how many people?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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