he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
