whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
