im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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