Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
