i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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