I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
