people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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