I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
