I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
