Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
