mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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