I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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