I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize