Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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