ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
