I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
