We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
