bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
did i just pee glitter
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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