i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize